hey there.
Krysくりすたる り うい きあん.
Welcome to my little writing nook.
I'm not sure what you expect by being here, and frankly, I don't know what I expect of this blog as well.
Perhaps as a space for me to release all my pent-up tension for various reasons? Or perhaps as a 'posting ground' for all my pieces?
This is a cordial invitation from the creator of the blog herself for you to join her as she explores the different facets of her life, and perhaps the life of others as well as a place to read some pieces from the blogger herself.
Everything posted on this blog is disclaimed and belongs to their original owners.
© Krys 2008-2011. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of Krystal Lee.
Closing This Chapter
Friday, January 22, 2010 @ Friday, January 22, 2010
Goodbye 2009.
In slightly more than twenty-four hours, the year 2009 will pass, replaced by a new year - the year 2010.
Horror of all horrors.
Please let it be known that I immensely detest - with every single living fibre of my soul - change.
Ugh.
That word never fails to make my features contort into expressions previously unknown to me, which unfortunately prompts my sister to burst out laughing and declare me positively insane and horrid beyond horrid.
Sigh.
Soon, in slightly than more twenty-four hours, I will have to bid farewell to the year 2009, whether I like it or not. (In this case, I wish it were a
2009 is
For one, I actually had to study, and mugging, for once, didn't help me make the grade.
And then there are the pressures of taking ten subjects - and yes, I know that three-quarters of the people I know are taking ten subjects - but they seem to cope so well and get straight A1's and 99's and 100's on their tests/exams. There are subjects that have no relevancy whatsoever in my future career choice, and yet these subjects I must take - and worse, ace them. There is this sense of reluctance in wasting precious brain cells on these subjects and sometimes, a flash of irritation at the circumstances.
And then, well; there is this - this fear of failing.
I am growing up, there is no denying this. And no, I don't mean growing tall. (*Inserts the rolling of the eyes here.*)
I fear failure, it's as simple as that.
People say failure makes you stronger.
It tests your boundaries- pushes your ceiling far beyond what you can normally achieve and to some, it is a challenge; this process of falling and picking yourself up again, toddling unsteadily, walking and hoping against hope that you don't fall, and falling.
To most, this represents the cycle of life; this never ending process. We are expected to know how to deal with failures by simply being told that we need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves, learn from past mistakes and look ahead. Always ahead, while holding on to the remmants of the past in order for us to not repeat the same mistakes as we once did.
In my humble perspective, this is more than a challenge.
I have this unexplainable fear of change. It was thus when I was a mere toddler of three, a child at seven and even now, the prospect terrorises me beyond words. I have never really reconciled myself to the idea of change, and I'll reiterate it as many times as possible to those who deign to listen to my rant.
The thing is, I wouldn't like to test my boundaries all too much.
What if I don't pick myself up when I fall?
What if I wallow in self-pity for a long time afterwards?
What if they look upon me and see me as something they wouldn't want to become?
What if..?
My mother would have told me that some time or another, everyone would have to move out of his or her comfort zone. Perhaps this time, it is my turn.
But at this particular stage, I'm afraid to face disappointment from those who care for me.
Those who expect me to achieve better than the rest.
And recently, the worst part is, I found out that the person I am afraid of disappointing the most is... myself.
This knowledge is both a driving force and also something that yanks me back. To do this, to do well; I will have to move out from said comfort zone and venture into unfamilliar territory. It's a bit like moving from a brightly-lit room to groping in the dark to find the switch that hopefully, will light up everything again.
I will have to let go.
To let go of these insane insecurities that bog me and hinder me from progress and achieving what is, and what will be rightfully mine.
I deserve to succeed.
I just wish I'd stick to this resolution.
Cheers,
Krys.
P.S. By the way, if you've gotten this far, then congratulations for putting up with all my insecurities.
Farewell, 2009.
Hello, 2010.
(I might as well celebrate you with a bang since you're here whether I like it or not.)
(I might as well celebrate you with a bang since you're here whether I like it or not.)
Labels: random posts, reflections
about.
Krys くりすたる り うい きあん
Hello. My name is Krystal. Born on November 6th.
Krystal loves being called 'Krys' but only allows this to special people.
She loves polar bears and pretty kittens as well as ice cream and mittens.
Writing makes her insanely happy and gives her a high while reading brings a smile upon her face.
She's tall, standing at 179cm, but she has a slight dislike of heights. (Lie. She's terribly afraid of them)
Musing and overthinking is her forte, as well as coming out with stuff you won't see anywhere else.
♥ Takeshi Kaneshiro.
She loves soup. Really, really loves soup.
And oh - she wouldn't trade being her for anything in the world. ♥♥♥
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webmistress: krys
blog name: Letters From Within
blog url:www.letters-from-within.blogspot.com
started: 08/12/09+
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